Archive | ponderings

22 December 2014 ~ Comments Off

loneliness: a cyclical shitstorm

The worst part about being a lonely person is that in the process of trying to draw people to you, you inevitably push them away. I have zero good friends within a 700-mile radius (and only one good friend outside that range). I’ve always said I wasn’t one for acquaintances, but now that I’m older [...]

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18 December 2014 ~ Comments Off

ownership and identity

You know how people are supposed to feel like their house is theirs? How you expect that one day you’ll feel at home in your own space and in your own skin? Well, I don’t. And I never have. I have always felt as though I’m just biding my time wherever I am. In my relationships, in [...]

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03 April 2013 ~ Comments Off

the reality of having kids

I had an incredibly refreshing conversation with my dental hygienist last night about having children. Thus far in life, when I have brought up never liking children or really wanting any of my own, people have never failed to tell me my opinion will definitely change, that it’s different when they’re your own, etc. But [...]

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20 March 2013 ~ Comments Off

my life as one long identity crisis

I think one of the most frightening things about having little to no self-assuredness is wondering if your interests are really your own. It sounds weird, I know, but I’ve never really had a hobby. Like, I guess you could say writing in this blog (and others, mostly LiveJournal) is a hobby, but I do it so [...]

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14 March 2013 ~ Comments Off

rare expressions

I’ve realized recently how rarely I hear and say things like, “I hope we talk tomorrow.” It’s so easy to say, but we don’t. I always thought it was the more overt things that got overlooked with time – I love you, I miss you – but the smaller expressions actually have more of an [...]

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